A lot has been going though my mind lately. Too much to stop and take the time to write it here in any coherent way. So I decided to just write it and hope that in maybe a sentence or two may make sense.
I have been having many dreams lately of women, sagely women in fact. It's been happening for a while now since I wrote "Spirit voices" as posted earlier. At that time I met a bunch of older women and thought that the message was that I needed to learn something from them. I have been doing just that. I have been gathering encouragement to grow emotionally and in my writing. I have been learning to be me in all situations no matter what is happening around me or what anyone else thinks. I have been loving openly. Lately as trivial as it sounds I have been learning to breathe.
Doing Yoga I am learning unfortunately that my mind and body doesn't relax, never relaxes. My mind being an abstract painting or swirling brush strokes is actually quite normal being bi-polar. Especially lately that I am in manic mode. But imagine trying to clear your mind and meditate and just breathe to realize that you just can't. It is quite scary. Now that I am aware of it I seem to be trying to relax in everything I do.
The last exercise we had was to send positive energy and good universal wishes to someone we love. A tear started rolling down my cheek I started trying to fight it then remembered "Sat nam". If I am the embodiment of truth then my love is true, and the fullness I felt of sending that true love is true. A stretch I know but it is the best I could explain the feeling I had that evening....though I still could not relax.
I lie awake at night and try to relax my body to the point where I am soaking into the bed bit by bit. Of course concentrating on this means my mind is working and still not relaxing....and when I do sleep, the women come.
Oshun comes.
Oshun is the beautiful and benevolent Orisha of love, war, life, marriage, sex and money. I am not Orisha. I have an Orisha grandfather who had a great influence on my life and self image however. I did not know about Oshun. She came to me one night, I cannot remember now the circumstances of the dream but she walked up to me and said very clearly "You have a gift, stop ignoring it." At first I wondered which gift she was talking about. I asked her her name and she smiled at me kindly, knowingly, "you know me .....(she called me by another name I cannot remember)" and started to walk away. I laughed and called after her (in another language) calling her Oshun.
Later the name kept coming up. My friend mentioned her. Apparently it was the time of Oshun in the Orisha faith. It still does not mean more than a slightly passing fact to me. However, I accepted her advice and started paying attention to all of my gifts and am awaiting the epiphany moment that should tell me what my next move should be. For now I am practicing to breathe.
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